Dom and Sub Drop
Table of Contents
What is a drop?
A drop (either a sub drop if it's happening to the submissive or a dom drop if it's happening to the dominant) is a sudden, intense feeling of regret, sadness, self loathing and other negative emotions that can happen during or at the end of a scene to one of its participants.
A drop can happen for a multitude of reasons. It can go from a disarray of your brain chemistry to a backlash of internalized feelings about the activities being performed. During play, both parties’ brains release many neurotransmitters at an intense, constant rate, depending on the people and the scene they’re involved in. Drops are often the result of a sudden reduction or withdrawal of those neurotransmitters.
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No one is immune to suffering a drop, and we must always be aware of how to prevent it, how to stop it early on and how to deal with it once it has happened.
Be even more aware of drops if you are trying something new.
Signs of a drop
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sudden change of mood and atmosphere
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you/your partner suddenly becomes quiet or quieter
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misplaced emotions (crying or anger when it shouldn't really be happening)
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you/your partner becomes reclusive and tries to get away
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shivering
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shaky hands
How to avoid a drop
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talk thoroughly to your partner and negotiate the terms of your relationship before anything happens
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be aware of and respect their limits
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always use a safe word
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pay attention to non verbal clues
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voice your insecurities and feelings about what you are doing to your partner
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always provide aftercare (regardless of the role you're playing)
What to do if it happens
Stop everything you're doing to tend to your partner. Before engaging in aftercare to alleviate the drop, be sure to undo any restraints or implements, grab some water for both you and your sub, and make the environment around you as open and comfortable as possible.
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Offer them some cuddling and care. Ask them if they are ready to talk through what happened and respect them if they want to digest it a little before speaking.
Prepare them a meal, a bath or anything that could be relaxing.
Reassure them that you are both safe and there's nothing wrong in what you were doing. Remind them that, while their feelings are valid, the negative flood of emotions keeping them down is not true.
If you are the one having the drop, try and do something relaxing to contain the rush of negative feelings. You should go through them to understand what happened, but that would be better after you've calmed yourself down a little, so you can think more clearly.
Try and keep in mind that you are just healthily exercising your sexuality and that you have your partner's consent to do so.
Once you're ready, talk about what happened to your partner and consider renegotiating your limits or how certain things are performed, at least for a while.